Play video

A journey toward death

Caroline is a close friend, fabulous cook, dancer, masseuse, psychotherapist and poet to name a few things. She has been living with intense chronic and debilitating pain for many years.

When the pain had got too much we started filming as she explored her choices about whether to stay in this world of go. Take a a look at an article she wrote; Leaning into Death

Scroll for the other videos in this showcase

Decision.

It's been six months since Caroline's dramatic spinal surgery but are the benefits enough for her to decide to stay?

1. DREAMING

Caroline talks about preparing for her enquiry on taking her own life because of the chronic pain she is in and her declining physical health.

2. LANDING

Caroline continues her enquiry into whether to take her own life because of her chronic pain and physical health.

3. PAIN

As the pain continues to grow to an unmanageable level Caroline reflects on how limited her life has become. She wonders how much longer she can continue to live with the PAIN.

4. HOPE

After years of waiting it is the day before her back surgery. The outcome will help decide whether she takes her own life or not. Amidst this fear she allows herself to feel a little HOPE.

5. HELP

Caroline’s spinal surgery was cancelled because of a lack of basic equipment. She could go back into the system but the surgeon couldn’t promise her the same thing wouldn’t happen again. To have this work done privately cost about £30,000. Because of the extraordinary generosity of friends and strangers, she raised what she needed within a few days, and had the surgery only 5 days after the original NHS date.